10 posts tagged “family”

This is the house I knew so well; my sister's house at Kota Bharu. I spent much of my growing up years in this house as I was elected to special class at SMSI Kota Bharu from rural Bachok as part of rural education program back then.

The picture most vivid in my mind is the serene, homely wooden house painted in greenish tone with fly open wooden framed glass windows and quadrant circular concrete steps cement rendered finished to reddish tone. Here the womenfolks gathered every evening. All kinds of topics were discussed; the positive and negative.

 

Now the house in under renovation because my nephew will get married come December and the house condition was almost tettered to collapse. Touch any part and the connecting part comes down with it. Small parts renovation is no longer possible. So my sister decided for full renovation.

I visited her 2 days ago. The battle scarred landscape of the house I knew so well left a kind of vacuum in me. My sister was ever smiling to se us, as always. I never ofr once doubt her love for me. I grew up in her house since form 1 and from then on her house is mine. In fact I felt more at home here than in my parent's home. How that made them feel, I cannot be sure at all. I used to feel `imprisoned' whenever school holiday comes and just couldnt wait to go to this house where I would feel free, cycling around the KB and surburb, having lompat tikam at the Pasar Besar and just roaming around. My brother in law whom I called Abang belief in youngsters be left to self discovery. He was a scout's trainer.

Seing the house like this is a very saddening feeling. Looking at the progress, I believe another 5 month is due before completion..

Our beloved eldest daughter, Nurul Fatihah aka Kak Long have boarded the plane back to New Zealand where she's reading Mathemathics after a long summer holiday. After having used to her padding around the house, sending and fetching Fadhil and Izzah to school, we sure missed her a lot; not for the household chores she help us do, but by her very presence. She's her ummi's best friend, my hope and ambition. She's also the calming influence in the family, the centre that cemented all the others together into an enjoyable family. With her around, Fadhil seemed to find his voice again, in fact found too much voice, a turn around from the grumpy, agitated youngster he'd grown up to be..

Yess.... We missed you Kak Long...

She came back on 20th Nov 2008 for summer hols despite my advice to use the time to discover NZ and Australia. However the lure of 'Balik Kampung' was too strong and we received her with open arms and full gratitude. I still remember the high spirit that we have, seeing her at KB Airport, wheeling the luggage and 360deg smiles.. Then hug..hug..aha..aha..muahh..muaahhh.. reception.. Eti arrived just a few hours before that, forgoing her school program to be with Kak Long an arrival. Then back home another surprise awaits.. Nana came barging in.. Nana who told us she could only make it the next day.. Then the shrill laughter, hugging, thugging, cracked jokes, cheek pinching, hair swirling, blouse thugging... it was such a happy day.. I only managed to snapped the second take, ie; after she came back in again.. That impromptu, momentous, moment was lost... only retained in the memory..

 

 Yess.... We missed you Kak Long...

We remember how sweet you were. We remember how the rest of the family with strained relations suddenly blossomed around you. All differences and strains suddenly dissapeared as if it never were there. Everybody were exited. All flocked together happily like 12 princesses of fairy tales, a family united and deliriously happy once more, Then we know what we are missing all this while.

Yess.... We missed you Kak Long...

 

Then on the happy episode were again in the family. We were what we once were; my proud family; the best in world, for all its strength and weaknessess. No other family like ours.. I had all the way thought I was the centre of the family; the one who decides everything, the dos and donts, the cans and cannots. All must centre around my analyses, my reasoning because I decided what is best for the family... I was wrong... very wrong.. I was not the barakah in the family... You ARE. With your patience, devotion, love, sweetness, you are the one that brings barakah..

 

Yess.... We missed you Kak Long...

Today ummi sent Fadhil to SMT KT for registration and asrama because I had a full day meeting with my neew Pengarah. And he's already back to his old self (oopp.. newly acquired in sudden burst of adolescense in KT), grumpy, short-circuit prone and a heart break to his ummi. Maybe he was missing you...

Will the cycle keep on again? Now it's left with Izzah at home. Last night she braved herself to sleep in the common room by herself. I hope this can last. May be she's feeling you next to her her, Long, after 3 months together. Those 3 months of happiness, blessed. We managed to spend a few days at A Famosa, Melaka, attend kak Sameerah's Wedding and Abang Min's engagement. We also managed to visit Gua Kelam on the way to send Eti to UiTM Perlis. Last was the trip to Tasek Kenyir, and the boat ride. You had been a good daughter looking after Izzah and Fadhil while we were on late ';honeymoon' at Jakarta and Bandung. I hope you have had an enyoyable stay at home and is ready to take on the challenges of studies; those jargons of Mathemathics understood only by your peers.. and dont forget Long, the Equation I asked from you on the Essence of Knowledge..

All the Best Kak Long. May you be forever in the Protection of Allah. May you be forever guided by Him in all your undertakings. May you be given Success in this world and Hereafter.. This is my Du'a..

 Yess.... We missed you Kak Long...

 

 

 

I dont know why I feel the need to write this post. Somehow this subject is very dear to me; that of family matters and the importance of keeping family together in state of closeknit, loving and caring among the members for lifetime, even after each one will have a family their own latter. This relationship should endure and encompassing between their families.

My elderst three are all daughters; age difference 2 years between the eldest and second and a year between second and third. The elderst is Fatihah aka Kak Long, second Amanina aka Nana (yes...NOT Nina) and third Izzati aka Eti. With such a small age difference, they grew up as sisters AND close friends. Having different personalities just make their relationship livelier. This term 'Zalis's Angels' was coined by a friend at one of our department's annual meeting when seeing the 3 together; so close to each; each a beauty in her own way (all creations are beautiful if you look at it in its own perspective). Each parent think of their children as being more beautiful than any others.

Along the way they were great friends but as individuality grew with age, at times they broke apart especially the younger two because of the small age difference, learn tolerance and forgiveness, and patch back stronger than ever. Being an elder sister to a just 1 year junior was never easy as the younger one tend to rebell to being treated as a younger sister especially as they grew up in age. In our family we trained them to be conscious of their role and seniority; so the eldest is Kak Long, second become Kak Teh and third Angah. The youngest become Adik. This is according to the custom of well brought up Malay families in the traditional mould.

I could still see them vividly as young girls packed in the back seat of my car and on reaching any play ground would rush to the swing, `gelungsor' and all the facilities trying to be first to try everything. As Fadhil was added to the family, they would carry him along to play. Most of the time it was Nana who pampered him; carry him on her hip from as early as she was 4 years old. She had the strongest maternal side among the Angels. I dont have to use the speaker to give instruction.. :-)

Of all three Eti was the a bit sluggish, being plump and introvert in character. She would just be content to tag along and fill in the gap. I still remember her tendency to suck her thumb and just stared into space, content to be cuddled and babbied. She was most happy to sit on her granny's lap till her generous weight advantage prevented such a comforting posture. However she had charm of her own. Whenever she went back home to her granny (from my wife side) her younger cousins would flock around her to listen to her stories or just to sit in her company. They just adored her.

Kak Long is every bit an elderst sister. She became the focal point of the Angels, though Nana was the acting type. Nana never have problem to approach anybody for anything whilst Kak Long would shy away from any such act; even to ask me for anything she needed was a gigantuan task to her. That trait remained with her until very, very recent. However she was a very good elder sister and the binding influence that leads and cement relation between them.

As kids they stayed together, sleep together and played together. Among their favorite game was Acting Doctors. I would buy the game kit and play they would; on their double decker bed, in living room and anywhere they could. Kak Long would be the Chief Doctor and Eti most of the time a sick patient. Then Nana would switch roles with Kak Long; the sick seemingly too happy in between the coughing acts.

As JKR engineer I was on the move from time to time; from Kota Bharu to Kuala Lipis, Kuantan, Setiu, KL, back to Kota Bharu, Ipoh and now at Kuala Terengganu.

They started schooling when I was at Kuala Lipis. It was here that we had most nostalgic memories. When I had to go to some functions with my wife, they would be left to an elder staff whom they refered to as Tok Ayah at the staff quarters, Sometimes with another close staff whose own chidren were about the same age. They were very close and keep contact till today. At this time they were still bubbly kids growing up in loving care from us and their foster parent.

Then in 1997 I was transfered to the JKR Setiu as District Engineer. I live in staff quarter near the office and nearby to other staff quarters. Here also we were close to the staffs and the children would go to their quarters to play, even in early morning. My son was very shy to be reminded of that because his close friend was a close staff's daughter. I was a disciplinarion then and 7.00pm sharp was the time when they must be back behind close doors. They still remembered how I went with a cane and whacked (just little bit to show I meant what I said...sigh..feeling guilty..) them for forgetting the hour. I hope the memory would just remain as just that and not with the pang of grudge or hate. Sometimes well meaning is not enough to condone an act.

Then Kak Long insisted on staying at the asrama in preparation for UPSR. At the same year I opted for further study in Information Management (Diploma) at INTAN KL.

That was a very hard time for my wife; 7th month pregnant and alone with 3 kids at home and Kak Long in asrama. Fadhil then 4 years old, very close to me, could not accept it and threw tantrums, upset Nana and ended yelling at each other..Fadhil shouting `I dont love anymore' and Nana locked herself in bathroom crying hard and long. Fadhil would not even mention my name at the time. It was so trying on my wife and I love her so much for the sacrifices she made for the family. Then after Izzah was borned we were transfered to KL and together again. I then travelled every morning to INTAN instead of staying in Asrama Jalan Elmu.

 

Kak Long managed to get herself into Seri Puteri; a boarding school and every weekend we would visit her there or take her back for night and day out. The Angels were still very close. Nana and Eti stayed with us and Nana assumed the role of elder sister. Not long after that we were back to Kota Bharu. Nana's caring instinct made it difficult to accept any malbehaviour from the sister. She was the neat type to always keep her room tidy while Eti was not. She also kept her things well placed while her younger sister would just take the books she kept and failed to replace back in place. This became a thorn in their relationship.

It was this time also Eti had a sudden personality change. From the natural curly clumps of hair she seemed too lazy to comb, she suddenly came back with trimmed Eastern look that shocked the life out of me. Then also the episode of male calls on the phone she could not desist. With the new hair came new traits that wants to assert herself and resist being the younger sister. Nana also had her personality development that made her dug into her savings (we kept a saving for each one; from hari Raya monies given to them every Eidilfitri) for a handphone notwithstanding our objections. Long lectures on cost and maintainance made no impact. How she would saved on her Rm10 per week allowance to maintain it, I could never understand. Now it is already an everybody's gadget but at the time it seemed a luxury item and I was scared of it being labelled contractor's supplied item for personal gain. Nana would not budge; it is her trait I have had to accept now.

Then start the episode of onoff relationship that puts our emotion on roller coaster and rock grinder; leaving it raw many a time. When they were good together, we were elated and when strained we suffered. Here, they and we learnt tolerance and I had to swallow my pride hard and throw away my learned disciplinary ways (my late father was a strict disciplinarian) in favor of loving ways for their sake. I had to forgo some of my principles to prevent disintegration. I had never made a more fruitful decision.

Looking back, we have gone through so much. All of the Angels are angel in their own mould and each would speak and write, messages of love and care to us at every opportunity, every memorable day such as birthdays and anniversaries. Except for the elder angel that flew too far away, I am eagerly waiting for 26th September for them to be back home again and turn our bleak house into vibrant, cheeful, loving house that fits the term `My Home, My Heaven'. My memories is full of those younger days when the angels roam the house on padded soles, faces beeming with joy, playing together like there's no tomorrow. Oh how I wish... I WISH..

These photos below are only for Family viewing..

 

Preparing some goodies for Tahlil tonight. Tonight will be the third night we do Tahlil for our deceased mother. There are varied opinions with regard the saying of Tahlil for the passed away person. Some labelled such practice a bid'ah. However I prefer to follow the opinion that this is part of the 'Dua of a Soleh / solehah son/daughter as mentioned in a Hadith of The Prophet s.a.w.

As usual on the third night, we prepare something heavy for eating after Tahlil and some goodies as token of appreciation to those who participate in the Tahlil. We put a Yaasiin with Tahlil and prayer, some dates and biscuits in a paperback. To put more expensive goodies might be taken as payment for tahlil and would offend some brothers...

This is the least we can do to 'accompany' our mother on her journey to the everlasting world, a path of no return...

Video Project by daughter Izzah, include commentaries.. hehehe

My Brother-in-law have discovered a new love; antic motor + antic music. These are his new loves. He went to all the trouble to get the live motor with valid license and from there on refurbished (if I can borrow that term from maintainance engeineering) them to brand new look. It cost quite a sum though not too much because these are only Honda Cups, 50 and 70 series and not the Big Broom Harley Davidson, Norton or Trump. However, he took the trouble of registering in the antic group, and enter the competition of which he won 4th and 5th place.

Apart from that he started to listen to old musics... P.Ramlee's and oldies that drove his wife upstairs to the TV living room. He would spend the time downstairs reading while listening to the oldies. I'm not sure if I would follow the same path as dawn creeps in, bearing in mind that the old striek is also in me.... my Fatihah would testify to that...hehehe

 

He is Abang Lah to the siblings and in-laws and Ayah Chik to the niece and nephews. A nice man who would buy anything an old lady sells not because he needed them but out of pity for the lady.

We went to his residence in Beseri Perlis when we were sending our daughter to UiTM Perlis...

Love is a blessed emotion. Looking at her serene, peaceful face at sleep just bring up that emotion again; tender, caring, being so fortunate that Allah has blessed our household with her presence. She's so lovable; a comic, gentle, beautiful, chubby girl that will melt anybody's heart. My Kak Long just couldnt put an angry face to her for any length of time before bursting out laughing when she coyly mimic misery but with laughing eyes. This is the most valuable gift Allah bestowed on us. No matter how hard up or poor we are, when love descend and fill the heart we can never be so impoverished. So give out your love; the more you give, the more it came back and the richer will our life be.

9 year old Izzah helping out to paint the Pegola.

ON PARENTING

Parenting is never easy. Like it or not, whether it is by choice or natural progression, planned or providence, the parent-to-be have to learn the science and art of parenting. Planned parent are more equipped to deal with the problems and hence more capable to handle the ups and downs of it and keep the progression to the aspired direction. Unintentional parent just have to learn on the go.

Looking back, though I considered myself already mature and ready at the time, actually I was not that prepared for what was to come. What I had was just a series of Dos and Donts from my parent, teachers, ustazs, friends, literatures and others I picked up along the way. I was not prepared for the mental and emotional side of it. I thought those series of guides were all that was needed. I was wrong. The real preparation needed is actually the mental and emotional preparation more than the technical know how.

I had such a firm and maybe dogmatic set of views that I could not see other ways. How could it be wrong? These are the ABCs taught by ustazs and passed down through succession of ulamas as though they were Qur'anic commandments. It could not be wrong. So it must be either I havent done enough of it, or my children were errants and must be brought into line.

Now I have 3 grown up daughters and two comming up son and daughter. Bringing them up was a joy and challenge. When they succeeded whether in exam or any other endeavours, I was overjoyed. When they failed or wept, I wept with them. When they were good I felt on top of the world, when they side stepped I could not be more remorseful. Through these ups and downs I cherished all memories travelling along with them through destiny, their success were my success, their joy were my joy, their upset were my pain.

All those moments of supports, punishments, advice or down right verbal lashing were for no other reason than the aspiration of making my family the best so it can be a reference family. I think I had done my best, given my all and the outcome is all in the Hands of Him Who is Lord of the Worlds. I have given financial support, emotional support, advice and all for the intended purpose.

However, I must admit that I learned along the way; by error, by instinct, by reflections and prayer. I have found the old advices so much in error. To abandon one's family is never an option, however much they have erred. I read in the Qur'an on how after 900 years of dakwah,the son of Prophet Noah a.s was still an infidel BUT Noah did not abandon him when flood water was rising and called upon his son to join the believers in the Ark. His son chosed to remain infidel and was swallowed by the Flood. That Qur'anic story should be our guide and not advices from questionable sources.

Time passed and whenever things arent going the expected ways I looked at the pictures of my growing up children, recounting the moments. Each photo contained certain memories associated with their growing up process; emotional ups and downs, the love they showed to each other and sometimes the strained relations that I prayed were just transient. The memories were especially strong during the early on periods when they were fully dependant on the parents. The expression on their faces, the behaviour they portrayed and what gave them joy or tantrums were etched in my memories and I tressured each one immensely.

It is a joy to go over them and relived the moments eventhough some gave me pain. I tressure my children and hope and prayed for them. Whatever they think of me, I will be just that....an ABAH. Whatever they think in the word `abah', that will be me, nothing more, nothing less.

 

My father in-law was hospitalised last week. His Stomach problem and age is catching up on his health. After refusing hospital for a long time, at last he has to resign to the fact that government Hospital is the place pensioners must never say no to forever.

 

It is my belief that we take care of our cars more than our body; easier to write about and preach than actually discipline ourselves to regular check-ups like we do for our cars.This is what some health promoter call the invincible attitude. It's the seeming belief that all those health problems other people are facing is not our problem.... until somewhere along the ultra complex wiring and sustenance system in our body something snap and it fail to function, resulting in discomfort or downright insufferable symtoms.

 

 

He was a healthy person and checks never reveal any problem before this. In fact most of the time doctors were amazed that at 80 he is trouble free. In fact he did mention this to his son-in-law who suffered from diabetes, high blood and heart problem. He kept his schedule of gardening, cow/goat-tending, reading and mosque activities and the habit of taking banana after meals. He was healthy for his age.

 

 

 

 

 

Then problem came in swift. It started with urinary problem; inability to retain urine long enough and not so smooth urinating. Check at private clinic suspect of stones in the bladder. Medication did not help much. Soon he quickly suffered from inability to retain urine to make it to the loo, to complete failure. Coupled with it, night after night of raking pain that prevent sleep, he resigned himself to be hospitalised at HUSM Kubang Kerian. The bladder problem cause other problems to the lung and kidneys.

 

Soon wires and tubes were fixed to his body and he became totally bedridden. Family members took turn to look after him. Luckily with 9 children, it is manageable. Those with minimal off-springs do not have this advantage and will resign to whatever hospital staffs provide. At this stage it is not only physical need that is lacking but also emotional placate required. These inner needs, no hospital in the world can provide.

 He was a known figure in the village not because of any position except as former headmaster but people come to him for advice and to pay respect. He was an `Elder' in the real sense of the word for the Kampung community and a PAS `diehard'. However diverse politics and social interraction can still harmoniously co-exist there, unlike some place where becoming an UMNO activist is regarded as affront to Islam. Being bedridden must be very hard for him. He miss his regular prayer at the mosque and Qur'an recitations because of the urine tube from his body.

It must be very bad for him. Reading is also difficult because of backpain.

He used to read papers from 1st page to the last, reading every bit of news and used to kid me who only read headlines and skim through those that interest me. Missing the GE actions must also be difficult for him. 

Last 2 nights he was again raked with pain to the back cause in part by the unending visitors that came to pay respect and he would respond to each one, patiently recounting the events that led him to hospital. This is one mal side effect of respect. I hope he would recover soon and able to lead normal life though the doctor said he must be very careful now not to stress himself.